to live is Christ | to die is gain

And just like that, my clock clicked its way into a new year. I expected to jump up and down and cry and smile and scribble resolutions furiously. Instead, I just cried a little and prayed a lot. Please, let me explain.

This past week, I've had a chance to experience the fragility of life in a new way. Three nights after Christmas, I received the news that my friend had been involved in a car accident and that her boyfriend, whom I had met several times, hadn't made it. Sitting there in my best friends' living room, trying not to cry and failing, I kept seeing his face and thinking that I had seen him less than a month ago and he had been so alive. And suddenly, life had such a fragility about it.

I think that as teenagers, we ten towards the assumption that life is forever. Of course we'll live through highschool. Of course we'll to go to college. And then after that, you'll get married. And then after that, you'll have two boys and two girls. And then... and then... and then...

I'm not saying that it's wrong to dream. But that awful night, I think I realized the importance of dreaming the right things. The things that God has already dreamed for you. Being rooted and grounded in love. (Eph. 3.17) Receiving the riches of his grace and every spiritual blessing and the unsearchable riches of Christ. (Eph. 1.3 and 2. 7) Learning abundant love and knowledge and discernment. (Philippians 1.9) Becoming pure and blameless and being filled with the fruit of righteousness. (Phil 1.10-11) Learning the same humility that Christ took with Him to the cross. (Phil. 2.1-11) Possessing a peace that surpasses all understanding. (Phil. 4:7) Being filled with the knowledge of His will. (Col. 1.9) Walking in a manner worthy of our Father, being fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in our knowledge of Him. (Col. 1.10) Being strengthened in all power and enduring trials with patience and joy. (Col. 1.11) Being knit together in love. (Col. 2.2) Being rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, abounding in Thanksgiving. (Col. 2.6-7) Being filled with Him. (Col. 2.10) Speaking in a way that is gracious and appropriate and pleases God and now man. (Col. 4.6, 1 Thess. 2:4) Increasing and abounding in love for others. (1 Thess. 3.12) Possessing established, blameless hearts before God. (1 Thess. 3.13) Being sanctified completely. (1 Thess. 5.3) Becoming a steadfast soul. (James 1.12) Having unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. (1 Peter 3.8) And one day, falling alseep and appearing with Him in glory. (1 Thess. 4.13, Colossians 3.4) I want to dream endlessly of a life lived only for Christ.

Twenty-twelve was a tremendous year for the bucket list (fifteen items crossed off!!). And I am so, so thankful for that. But I am praying that in twenty-thirteen, my life would not be so much about checking things off the bucket list as growing more and more like Jesus every day.

2012 | those snippets that flash through my brain 

I dyed my hair purple and dressed up like a maniac for the midnight showing of The Movie along with my Dearests, Nat and Jo. I started writing letters to this girl and now, we're sisters. I watched the sun set behind the Washington Monument and climbed the steps to the Lincoln Memorial in the rain. I got my learner's permit. I turned sixteen and became a junior. I flew over the ocean (by myself!) and spent two weeks out of the country, smiling and crying and learning so, so much about God and even a little bit about myself. I wrote my heart out. I stayed up all night (on the beach, no less) and sang Disney songs and splashed around in the moonlit waves in my church clothes and talked about life and laughed and now, it's one of my best memories ever. I hiked five miles up a tropical mountain and jumped off a three-and-a-half story waterfall into cobalt water. I kayaked on the ocean. I learned a little Spanish and a lot about life. I went snorkeling. I got an iPod touch and thus now own an Apple product. I drank a venti Starbucks. I had to learn how to say goodbye. I bought something on Etsy.  I saw the Blue Angels. I met my spiritual hero, Al Mohler, and C.J. Mahaney. I cut my hair short and went dairy-free. This was THE year for movies-- Hunger Games, The Amazing Spider-man, The Dark Knight Rises, The Bourne Legacy, Avengers, etc, etc. I was put under anesthesia twice and once emerged without my wisdom teeth. I fell in love with Sherlock and Downton. I packed up and moved from Georgia to Indiana and learned a lot about my heavenly Father and myself through that. I learned how to keep house for two weeks while both my parents were down with the flu. I drank a lot of Starbucks and read a lot of amazing books and sang at the top of my lungs and had so many soul-stirring conversations. Most of all, I fell another year deep into love with my Saviour.

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This year, I want to truly own the truth that to live is Christ, and to die is gain. There is no guarantee that I will live through twenty-thirteen, but I do want to live Jim Eliot's words-- "Wherever you are, be all there." I want to fall ever more in love with my beautiful Jesus, dream of a pure heart and a mind fixed on Him, and absolutely, joyously tackle whatever experiences come my way. God has written this next chapter. May I live it in a way that brings all glory and honor to Him.

p.s. happy new year.