"After so much wind and snow; sunshine, at last! They say Aslan is on the move." C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Sometimes it's hard to decide where my life leaves off and my blog begins. The lines of what to share and when to share it are blurred with the speed of life, and too often I find myself with a pile of memories too large, too painful, or too personal to share. But you know what? Life is messy. And it only follows that blogging is going to be a little messy, too. Scratch that. It's going to be really messy. Life isn't clear-cut and easy and neat-- why do I continue to expect that my blog, the overflow of my sinful heart, to be all of those things?
So this is a resolution, a promise, and an update. A resolution to let the colours of my heart bleed a little more freely outside the lines of "BLOG" and "LIFE." A promise to be more authentic with you guys, more personal, more free-- because I love you all and you're really amazing people I wish I could know better. An update, to laugh with you and cry with you and rant with you about what God has been filling my life and head and heart with these past few months.
I finished math for forever in mid-April, which was probably one of the best things ever, and made a spontaneous and insane decision to graduate a semester early. Now my days are (really) full of reading, writing, French-speaking, more reading, and a little more writing. I just finished Jane Eyre for the third time and cried over the last few chapters. I think I fell in love with it in a new way. Rochester's broken spirit but renewed heart, Jane's inspiring moral courage yet fiery will, and the final "Reader, I married him...." GAH. Now I have to gather my incoherent thoughts and feelings and emotions into an essay. Wish me luck.
After lots of waiting and researching and talking about almost nothing else, I bought the Canon t3i and the 55-250mm plus the 18-55mm lenses.... and I have fallen head over heels. Probably one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. His name is Hugo, and the lenses are Bert and Ernie, respectively. They go everywhere with me. Seriously everywhere. I can't stop snapping everything in sight. For all you photographers out there, any tips? And are you a Nikon or Canon person?
We'd been planning a trip down to Georgia for awhile, but when we got the news that my aunt was back in the hospital, on a ventilator, and in an induced coma due to pneumonia and other complications, we packed up the car and stuffed the whole family plus the golden retriever in for the ten hour drive. She's gone up and down since we've been here, but God is very good and faithful and just being here to support, encourage, and pray is great.
One of the nicest things about coming down to Georgia has been the big surprise that I get to return to my old church as a counselor at their kids' camp this summer! Remembering the past two summers I worked there make my heart skip a beat-- bare feet hitting hot pavement, paddles cutting the emerald waves of the lake, toes scrunching in the sand, stomachs hurting from lights-out laughter... and most of all, kids smiling everywhere about everything. It's basically all of my favourite things rolled into one week of Jesus-centered activities and teaching. Hugo and I can hardly wait.
I think I didn't even realize how much I missed the honey-sweet-molasses-slow mentality of the south till I got back. Like the warm, humid air, there's just this leisurely approach to life accompanied by a crazy-hard work ethic that makes my soul feel settled here. That being said-- I am finding myself very homesick for Louisville. I want a salted caramella and I want to disappear into the bookshop again. I want to spend another day at the seminary campus and find yet another new friend. I want to see those sweet families again and I want to make fun of the hipsters that walk the college avenue. Isn't it funny how you can be really happy somewhere and miss somewhere else so badly at the same time?
(The poor kid was trying so hard for a peace sign that the smile didn't quite come out right. So adorable.) Life has been very full-- and I don't think it's going to let up anytime soon. There's so much life left in 2013--a ridiculously long book-list I haven't finished yet, cookouts I am already planning, visits I'm hoping come true, photos I'm itching to take, skype calls that need to happen SOON (Suzie and Jess, I'm lookin' at you), the fearsome SAT I'd die to avoid, and (most frightening of it all)... graduation. Guys, life is GOOD. It's really big and sometimes rather scary and always brimming with the good and the bad-- and best of all, God's put every bit of it into my life for a reason. Why did I have that confusing conversation at Boyce Preview Day that brought a totally new perspective to college... the one that's scary to investigate yet undeniably attractive? Why is my aunt in the hospital again? Why do I have this friendship struggle? Why did I have to learn this now, see this now, hear this now? Because God has a beautiful plan and every little snippet is coming together to make a tapestry that will bring Him infinite glory. It's scary, but everything worth doing is a little frightening at first.
So what's been going on in your life? No really, I want to know. What are you reading, hearing, seeing, thinking? How is Jesus rocking your world? And if you feel like chatting, would you drop me a line? I'd absolutely love to hear from you, to get to know you, to pray for you if I can.